sofia sandahl

 ph: thekillingmoonconfused

"there’s this boy.

there’s this boy that i thought i was over. last night when i saw him again after two years, i suddenly realised that i wasn’t.

it's you.

our relationship was never serious. we were never committed to one another, but still we were in each other’s lives for two years. at least you were in mine for two full years. in my mind and in my dreams.

i was never over you. i know that now.

all the breaks we had, where we didn’t talk - i was still thinking about you all those times. we were only together when you wanted us to be. the rest of the time i was just waiting for you to want me again. longing to hear those sweet words you would whisper in my ear. waiting for your hand to be back in mine.

two years of good times and bad.

but then you got a girlfriend and we stopped talking. she broke up with you, and we still didn’t talk.

i was with others guys. i was over you. of course i was. i rarely even thought about you anymore.

then last night i saw you. i met you at a friend’s. we barely talked. but i’m used to that. we always did this. no talking and then suddenly we were back in each other's lives.

god, you are so hard to figure out. i wish i could have figured you out then. that would have stopped me from still wondering now.

because now i've got all these feeling back in my body. feelings i thought i no longer had - but know now that i'd just hidden away in a tiny box and kept in my heart (and maybe forgotten a little bit about.)

yesterday, just seeing you and being in your presence opened that box, and along with the wondering came nostalgic thoughts of you and us, which have now filled up my heart. my heart pumps all these feelings through my body, and i am desperately trying to squish them back into the little box, so it doesn't hurt so much. the feelings won't go away, but at least when i keep them in one place, it's not as painful as when  have them pumping through my every vein.

i just want you to know that i still adore you and that i'm here if you want me.

you can open the box.

whenever,"

- le love

“now i'm coming back. i'll be home in a month, you asked to be the one at the airport waiting for me. i hope you are. It's never going to be the same. we're not going to be together. you've strung me along for too long. she's still there. i won't be second best. what you don't know is i have everything you ever wanted, and you took advantage of it, then dumped me for something that didn't last.

i will always love you. i will melt when you say my name. i will fold under your pressure. i will cry when we separate. but i will leave.
you will not leave me, not again.

have heart, my soul has mended. i will find my love. not my true love, that was you. you gave it away. but, i will find happiness.
love scares me.

why'd you have to make me fear such a beautiful thing?”

-le love

“finally, 3 years have passed since that incident, i was smoking outside the place i work, and while he was passing by, i saw him and I felt his cold shoulder, the horrid pain of being nothing to someone who means everything to you. since then i've tried deleting him from my memories, but as my mind forgets his face, my heart still remembers the pain, the only thing that actually made me feel human for once; the love i have for him.”

-le love

jag trodde att det skulle vara jobbigt. att jag skulle sitta hemma och gråta till this years love, men det gjorde jag inte. det är en lättnad att veta att det var rätt. så rätt. för jag vet inte hur jag hade handskas med det. hade jag vart så bra jag kan vara eller hade jag låtit bristerna tagit över? hade jag sårat honom? hade jag gjort honom illa? jag tänker inte söka efter kärlek något mer. man kan inte mana fram kärlek. det kommer när det kommer. jag har hela livet på mig att falla, leta efter trasiga själar och laga min egen. men att veta att det kanske kunde vart bra. det är väl det som rör mig i ryggen. hade jag kanske vart lycklig nu? hade jag fått känna den där känslan igen? det är något jag aldrig kommer att få veta. men man kan inte veta allt, ibland får man chansa, ta risker och ibland förlorar man.
ja, jag förlorar ibland. det spelar ingen roll vem man är.
man kan inte alltid få allt.


-ohstefanie.devote.se

sometimes with one i love i fill myself with rage for fear i
 effuse unreturn'd love,
but now i think there is no unreturn'd love, the pay is
 certain one way or another,
(i loved a certain person ardently and my love was not
 return'd,
yet out of that i have written these songs.)


- "sometimes with one i love" by walt whitman

ikväll är en sådan kväll som jag saknar att ligga nära så hemskt mycket. deppigaste dagen någonsin var det ja. men det spelar ingen roll hur många killar som pussar på ens nästipp och frågar om ens telefonnummer för jag vill inte ha någon. man kan nästan tro att jag har blivit asexuell. fast det handlar inte om det, det handlar om att det bara är vissa få som kan få mig att känna så.


- michaela forni.

"whoever you are, i fear you are walking the walks of
   dreams,
i fear these supposed realities are to melt from under your
   feet and hands,
even now your features, joys, speech, house, trade, manners,
   troubles, follies, costume, crimes, dissipate away from you,
your true soul and body appear before me,
they stand forth out of affairs, out of commerce, shops,
   work, farms, clothes, the house, buying, selling, eating,
   drinking, suffering, dying.

whoever you are, now i place my hand upon you, that you
   be my poem,
i whisper with my lips close to your ear,
i have loved many women and men, but i love none better
   than you.

o i have been dilatory and dumb,
i should have made my way straight to you long ago, 
i should have blabb'd nothing but you, i should have chanted
   nothing but you."


- ett utdrag ur "to you" av walt whitman.

i hate it when you're not around
and the fact that you didn't call.
but mostly i hate the way i don't hate you..
not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

two things..
ett: vart är shakira?!
två: GE MIG DIN SKJORTA KANYE!!!!

"man kan inte bestämma sig för att livet är vackert. antingen tycker man det eller så gör man det inte. det handlar bara om tur. tur att få en fin familj. tur att få fina vänner. tur att få behålla dem man bryr sig om. förutsättningar. man skapar inte sin egen lycka. antingen är man en lycklig människa eller så är man inte det. precis så är det. vissa kanske försöker. spelar ett fult spel för att få det man vill ha. men vi blir aldrig tillfredställda ändå."

- feelicia.devote.se

"00:05, nya midnattslöften. jag lovar mig själv än en gång att inte vara girig, egocentrisk eller lättsårad och självömkande. men det är diffust och jag glömmer successivt bort vad det tjänar till. Egentligen önskar att jag vågade berätta mer. om vad som gör mig ledsen och frustrerad eller orolig och vad jag tänker på om nätterna. om vad jag hatar hos mig själv och vilka pojkar jag skrivit om i A5-anteckningsblock med hårda pärmar. vill inte ljuga mer. jag tror jag ljuger hela tiden."

- mardy bum